GL TV!
by Veronica The Mischievous
Summary: Just read...you'll get a kick out of it...
1. Judge Wilder

Disclaimer: I don't anything from Growlanser Or anything from Judge Judy.

VTM: Heeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllooooooooooo! Welcome to my new fic! XD I have NO Idea what possessed me to write this but man, I must be crazier that I thought! X3 Yay! For randomness! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this…and please…NO FLAMES!

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Court music plays and the camera zooms in on the court.

"And now it's Judge Wilder…" said the announcer man.

Slayn is seen sitting in the judges desk with one of those obnoxious wigs. "ORDER IN THE COURT DAMN IT!" Slayn says while slamming the gavel like a madman.

"Uh…Chief, the case hasn't even started yet…" Hugh the bailiff pointed out.

"Oh. Um…well…start it then…"

Hugh sighed. "Right…first case, Vincent Krewsver, suing Michelle Liedbulk for 450000 Elm and……a new ear…?" Hugh looked confused.

"Okaaaaaay…uh…Vincent, please tell us…what happened?" Slayn asked.

"That little devil bit off half my ear!" Vincent shouted.

"Oh come on Vincent…" Slayn began. "…how could you possibly say that sweet little Michelle would-"

Vincent pulled back some of his hair, showing off his half eaten ear.

"OH MY GIDDY AUNT! You moron! Put that away!" Slayn said in utter disgust. "Michelle, why did you bite off the man's ear!"

"He broke my brother's heart by running off with a tutu wearing hussy!"

"ANNETTE?" Both Slayn and Hugh went wide eyed.

"She's no hussy!" Vincent leaped from his desk and attacked Michelle, the two were then caught up in an enormous fight cloud throwing punches and kicking and screaming.

"Sheesh…looks like something that should be on the Jerry Springer Show…" Hugh said to Slayn.

"Samurai wannabe!"

"Crazed little psycho wench!"

"Van go!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Well…as entertaining as this is…Hugh…subdue them…" Slayn ordered.

"Uh…Right…" Hugh wasn't sure how he could do it. "Uh…hmm…" Hugh then jumped into the fight.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!"

Both Vincent and Michelle laid on the ground charred black.

"Ah yes the wonder that is the stun gun." Hugh said with a grin.

"Hugh! Vincent's still moving!" Slayn shouted.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTT!"

"Oh wait, sorry, my mistake…" Slayn said with an evil grin.

"Uh…Shall we go to the next case?" Hugh asked as he poked Vincent with his billy club.

"Yeeeeeaaaaaah…that might be a good idea…" Slayn said with a sweatdrop. "And someone call 911 while we're at it!"

"Right…uh next case…is…Charlone vs. Hans…Charlone is suing Hans for 20000 Elm for calling her stupid nicknames while Hans is launching a counter suit suing her for 50000 Elm being an oversensitive stuck up brat."

Charlone and Hans take their places and see Vincent and Michelle being carried out of the court room on stretchers. They both give each other worried looks.

"Now who would like to start?"

"Um, I would your honor…" Charlone spoke up. "You see…I do not appreciate Hans calling me by his silly little nicknames…"

"That's because your too snobby to lighten up!" Hans protested.

"Silence you little monkey!" Slayn shouted at him.

Hans instantly shut his mouth.

"Finally someone has shut him up!" Charlone said with relief.

"And ** YOU**………………………………...**YOU**………Uh………You lose!"

"WHAT!" Charlone said in shock.

Yes!" Hans said happily.

"And you lose too!" Slayn added.

"Huh?"

"You both have to pay **ME** 150000 Elm! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh and do two years community service at the local evil granny prison…" Slayn shivered slightly at the last part.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Hugh…if you could please relieve my eardrums?" Slayn asked while protecting his ears from their screams.

"Sure thing Chief." Hugh pulled a random lever and Hans and Charlone disappeared through trap doors that were hidden beneath them.

"Ah…the sweet sound of silence…" Slayn said with a sigh. "……………………………...meh, too quiet. Hugh! Bring on the next case!"

"Okay…Haru of Rave masters is suing the…Judge Slayn Wilder? For stealing his hair style?"

Haru took his place at his desk.

Slayn blinked. "Um…I win? Next case!"

"Not so fast!" said a familiar voice.

Slayn was then ejected from his seat and landed in the defendant's desk. "What the Hell?"

"Uh…Chief…" Hugh pointed to the new judge.

"I Zion, shall choose your fate!"

"Didn't we kill him?" Slayn asked Hugh.

"Yeeeeeaaaah…but…he's like a cockroach…He's a little disgusting bug that pisses you off and always comes back…" Hugh explained.

"True…true…" Slayn said while nodding.

"HEY! I'm the ruler of the court! You do as I say! And I say Wilder loses! And will have to wear this!" Zion held up a skimpy little pink dress."

Slayn and Hugh stared in disbelief.

"………………You're joking, right?" Slayn asked.

"No! Do as I say!" Zion ordered.

"Screw that! Bailiff!"

"Do you forget that I am now in charge? I'm afraid even your friend can't help you now Sl-" Zion was cut off when Hugh sprayed a can of mace in his face. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! IT BUUUUUUUURRRRRNS!"

Hugh walked over to Slayn who gave him a thumbs up.

"Hey! But you lost!" Haru protested.

"Bailiff!"

Hugh then hit Haru with the gavel, knocking out cold.

Slayn blinked. "…why didn't you just get him with the mace?"

"I used it all on Zion…" Hugh said shaking the empty can.

"Oh okay…Now let's get the Hell out of here!" They ran out of the court and the credit began to roll.

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VTM: XD Chapter 1 is done! Whew…I hope you liked it, and I apologize if I have offended any fans of certain characters…this was purely for fun and I know I can get a little carried away so please don't flame me for it! Well, R&R please! XD


	2. Cooking With Xenos!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Growlanser or any of the shows that are being spoofed in this fic!

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Classical-ish music plays as the shows random parts of a kitchen, the camera then finally gets view of Xenos who is wearing a frilly white apron over his armor.

"Hello! I am Xenos Langley! The dish that we will be working with today is bread!" Xenos then took out all the supplies he needed.

"First we take an egg…" Xenos picked up an egg. "And we crack it over the side of the bowl…" Xenos struck the egg against the side of the bowl and the egg spattered all over. "Uh…maybe a **few **eggs to be on the safe side…" Xenos took a couple more eggs tried to crack then as **gently** as he could, only to be left with a sticky mess. Xenos had a big sweatdrop at this point. "Um…well…That's probably about **half **an egg…so…that's good enough I'm sure…So…now we take some flour and some milk…" Xenos pours a little of the ingredients into the bowl. "And stir with this powered egg beater!"

With a click of the button batter sprayed everywhere. "WAAAAAH! HOW DO I TURN THE DAMN THING OFF?"

The show cuts off.

-We are experiencing some technical difficulty…-

The show cuts back on.

Xenos is seen with a band aid on his cheek and a little bit batter stuck in his hair. "My…uh…wasn't that…exciting? Um…well after you make the batter you want to spray a pan with cooking spray so it doesn't stick to it." After Xenos sprayed the pan he then poured the batter into it. "Now preheat the oven to 400 degrees…" Xenos then put on a pair of bright pink oven mitts "…and place the pan in it. Oh…and these mitts…um belong to my sister…really." He then put the pan into the oven. "And now we wait…"

Xenos takes a seat and starts doing suduko. After a while the fire alarm starts beeping.

"Now if the oven starts spewing out thick smoke…that may be a good indication to take the food out of the oven…" Xenos opened the oven door and reached inside, but while he pulled the pan out his oven mitt caught on fire. "OH MY GIDDY AUNT!"

Xenos flailed the pink mitt franticly. "STOP DROP ROLL! STOP DROP ROLL!" Xenos rolled around on the ground of the kitchen like a madman. Then getting up he took the flaming oven off, threw it on the floor and began rapidly stomping on it. "Die! Die! Die! Evil thing of florescent pink!"

The show cuts off.

-We are experiencing some technical difficulties…-

The show cut back on.

Xenos is seen with his hands wrapped in bandages.

"Um…anyway sorry about that…um…I'd like you to meet my new assistant, Carmine!"

Carmine is seen nervously staring at Xenos' hands.

"Um…right so here is the finished product!" Xenos holds up a bubbling pan of goop. "Pudding!"

Carmine looked at it oddly. "Wasn't it supposed to be bread?"

"Don't mind what he said! Doesn't that…look…Anyway! Carmine gets to test it!"

"No way!"

"TEST IT DAMN IT!" Xenos demanded.

Carmine nervously took a spoonful and ate it. "……………………………..." A strange noise garbled from his stomach, his face gained a sickly color and he quickly left the kitchen.

"I'm sure he'll be out of the bathroom soon…" Xenos said nervously. "Well, join me next time when we make blackberry pie!"

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VTM: XD Bwahahahaha! Xenos and his blackberry pie! Anyway, there's the second chapter, sorry this one's short…I couldn't stop laughing while I was writing this…Well if there are any shows you'd like to see spoofed tell me. Anyway, thanks for reading. R&R and please, no flames…


	3. Zion's Playhouse

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Growlanser or any of the shows that are being spoofed in this fic!

VTM: Hello hello! Sorry I've been away for so long...the summer heat's really frying me...(sizzle) anyway here's chapters 3 & 4! But first...Thank you reviewers! XD

KittyKittyMeowMeow: Thanks for the suggestion! I think I'm going to have a lot of fun with that! X3 Oh, and sorry if I keep asking but have you found that story yet?

Some Random Reviewer: You are a genious! You gave me an excellent idea! Thank you for reading!

VTM: and now on with the show!

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"And exactly what the Hell am I doing here?" Zion said, he was dressed in a light blue suit with a red bow tie. "I am **so** going to kill my agent…" He then took a seat on a large plush blue chair.

"Hey Zion! What's today's secret word?"

"Who said that!" Zion said peering around. "Show yourself!"

"Mmmmmph!"

"Huh?" Zion looked over his shoulder and saw that the chair had eyes. "WHAT THE HELL?"

"Oooooooooh! Zion said a bad secret word!"

Zion then pulled out his double headed spear thing and sliced the blue chair in half. "Okay, what the hell-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" all the other appliances and such screamed.

"-is going on here!" Zion finished. "Who the hell-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" they all screamed again.

"CUT THAT OUT!" Zion shouted.

Everyone went silent.

"Hmph! Now then…" Zion was then interrupted once more.

"Zion! Here comes Bret the mail man!"

Bret walked in through the funny shaped door of the play house. "Hi Zion, how are…whoa…what happed to that chair…?" he asked.

Zion just glared. "……Go to he-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"OKAY! THAT IS **IT**!" Zion snapped. He took out his spear-thing again. "I have had it with **all** of you!" He then began hacking at anything with a silly face.

-Show cuts off-

We are experiencing some technical difficulties…

-Show cuts back on-

Zion is panting heavily, the play house is in ruins.

Bret just sat on the remnants of the blue chair looking at all the damage. "Man, you have anger issues…"

"Oh be quiet…" Zion growled.

Suddenly a secret door in one of the walls opened and out came a strange looking bike.

"Ah, I can make my escape!" Zion quickly hops on, little rockets on the bike roar to life sending it flying out of the ruined play house.

Bret watched but he noticed something. "Zion! Look out for that-"

CRASH!

"……Tree."

Music began to play and the credits rolled.

VTM: And that's all for Zion's Play house! Sorry if this chapter was a bit short and stupid…I've beenhaving a bit of a problem with writers block…please don't flame! T-T


	4. GL TV News

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Growlanser or any of the shows that are being spoofed in this fic!

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News Show music plays and the camera zooms in on Annette.

"Hello, this is GL TV News, I'm Annette Burns." Annette said cheerfully. "Our top story today, Carmine Fallsmyer, well known hero, was sent to the hospital earlier this week with food poisoning after appearing on the hit show, 'Cooking with Xenos'. He had this to say…"

-the show cut to Carmine in the hospital.-

Carmine still looks sick. "I'm **never** eating pudding again…"

A nurse wheels in with a food tray. "Pudding, sir?"

Carmine goes pale. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

-The show cuts back to the news-

"Get well soon!" Annette said with a grin. "And now on to sports with our sports caster Arieta Lyuis…"

-The show cuts to a football game-

"COMMON! YOU CALL THAT A DEFENSE?" Arieta screamed. "MY GRANDMA CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT YOU PANSY!"

-The show quickly cuts back to Annette-

"U-um…How about the weather? With weatherman Viktor Hugo."

-Cuts to Viktor-

"Dah! Is raining as you say cats and puppies in area…" Viktor said while pointing to a chart. "and over here it will snow…"

-Cuts to Annette-

"Um…Victor…it's summer…" Annette said with a sweatdrop.

-Cuts back to Viktor-

"True but with new weather machine I create it **will** snow!" Viktor then walked over to a huge machine and pulled a lever. The machine roared to life. "Ah hah! Success!"

-Meanwhile…-

Slayn, Raimy, and Hugh are all laying on the beach.

"Ah, this is nice…" said Slayn, enjoying the sun.

"Raimy agrees!" the dark fairy said happily.

Hugh then sat up, looking confused. "Hmm…that's odd…the wind says it's going to snow…"

Slayn lifted his glasses and looked at his friend. "You're kidding…right? This is the beach, **and** it's **Summer**…"

"I guess…" Hugh said unsurely.

Suddenly, the three of them were buried under a thick pile of snow.

"Gah! C-C-Cold!"

Hugh looked at Slayn with an "I told you so" look.

-Back at the news station-

"See? Is snowing there now!" Viktor said triumphantly.

-Cuts back to Annette-

"Wow…that's amazing…" Annette said with surprise. "Anyway…in other news…Zion's Play House, a new children's show is facing instant cancellation due to angry fits by Zion, the lead character…and that's all for this evening! Bye!"

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VTM: And that's that for chapter 4! XD Anyway…I hope that you enjoyed it…Again, if anyone has ideas for chapters that would be appreciate it. And also again sorry that this chapter is so short, they'll get a lot better and a bit longer...R&R! And please, no flames...


	5. Barbra's Psychic Hotline

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Growlanser nor do I own anything from any psychic shows.

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Barbra is seen sitting at a small table with cards laid out in front of her.

"Welcome to "Miss Barbra's Psychic Hotline"…Let's take our first caller…"

A voice comes on the speakers.

"Hi, uh…My name's Wein, Wein Kruz…and uh well…I need help…"

"Don't we all, dear?" Barbra said with a laugh. "So what is it that you want to know? My psychic powers shall reveal all!"

"Huh? Psychic powers?"

"………Yes…this **is** a psychic hotline…" Barbra pointed out.

"What! I thought this was "The Hot Line for the Gender Confused"…"

Barbra had a huge sweat drop at this point. "Um…Noooooo…"

Click!

"……………Well now…that was…interesting……Next caller!"

A new voice came on the speakers.

"Hello, is this Miss Barbra?"

"Yes it is, what is it that you would like to know?"

"Yes, you seem to have some outstanding bills, and we were wondering when you were going to pa-"

Click!

"Eh heh, heh, heh…Moving on…let's go to our next caller…"

A new voice came on.

"Uh…hi, my name is Vincent…I'm a general for-"

"Yes, yes, spare us your life story, what is it you want to know? Maybe if your future or if your lover is faithful or something?"

"Huh? Oh no…my love is very trustworthy…"

Barbra looked at her cards. "…………Right…enjoy your heart wrenching break up next week…"

"What?"

"Nothing! So what **do** you want to know?"

"Oh, uh right…well…you see…I'm locked out of my house…"

"……………………And?"

"Can you tell me where my keys are? I can't find them!"

Barbra's jaw nearly dropped. "You're kidding right?"

"Nope."

"………………………Your dog ate them." Barbra said flatly.

"Damn! Wait…I don't have a dog!"

"Next caller!"

"No wait! I'm cold! And hungry! I need shelter!"

Click!

"Alright…Just who's the moron that's picking these calls!"

-Meanwhile, backstage…-

"Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Clive laughed like a crazed hyena. "This is revenge for turning me down whenever I asked you out on dates!"

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VTM: That's chapter 5! Again sorry if it was a bit short…these would be a lot easier (and funnier) to write in script format, but the last time I checked FF. net doesn't allow it…well, I hope you liked this chapter, R&R, and please, no flames…


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